Many people dread booking a first session, separate from whatever problem brings them in. They picture a blank-faced stranger (yikes), long silences, and some version of "so, tell me about your mother." If that false image is part of what has kept you from booking, I think it’s time to talk about what actually happens in a first session with me. The weird version you brought up in your mind is just something in your mind.
So here is what a first session with me is actually like.
It is mostly a conversation
The first session is basically me getting to know you and you getting a feel for me. I will ask what brought you in now, as opposed to a year ago or a year from now. The timing itself gives me some information. I will ask what you have tried, what has helped and what has ’t, whether you have seen anyone else for therapy before, what you expect therapy to be like, and what you want to be as you progress through therapy and start to grow.
You do not have to come to session with everything figured out and organized. Plenty of people start with "I am not even sure how to explain this" or “I don’t even know where to start,” that’s where I work my magic. Part of my job is helping you put words to what is going on, so you can let go of the pressure to arrive with everything perfected to tell me. There are no bonus points for how good you are at presenting the information.
You get to ask me questions too. You likely want to know how I work, whether I have worked with clinical presentations like yours, and what to expect going forward. This is you deciding whether I am the right fit, not only me getting to know you. For therapy to work well, it has to be a mutual fit.
What it is not
Sessions with me are not a stranger nodding silently and just looking at you while you talk. I don’t want to bulldoze you, and your voice is the most important, but I am not here to nod silently and send you on your way. I am direct, and I talk. You will not be left doing the entire conversation by yourself. So get rid of that fear. I am here to help guide you.
It is also not a lifetime commitment that you sign up for in the first 45 minutes with me. A first session is a starting point. If we are not the right match, useful information, and a good therapist would rather help you find the right fit than keep you out of politeness.
And you're not expected to pry open the hardest thing and tell me all of your deepest, darkest secrets in the first session; that takes time. We will likely touch on that thing, since it probably brought you to the session, but we will not leave you open on the table bleeding out. We move at a pace that's doable, not always entirely comfortable, but within the bounds of what you can handle. Trust comes before the deepest material, and that order is so important for a good working alliance.
The practical part
Sessions are virtual, so you can meet somewhere private and comfortable. I send the intake paperwork ahead of time, so the first session is for talking. I will review the forms and use them to help guide our intake, asking for more information on what you provided. Early on, we figure out what you want to work on and roughly how we will get there, because I do not do therapy that drifts for months without a point. You should leave that first session with some sense of direction.
You do not need to prepare anything to impress me. If it helps to jot down the two or three things most on your mind beforehand, go for it. That is more for you than for me. I am running the session to help you feel comfortable and ease you into what it is like to work with me.
If you have been putting off booking
If the mystery of that first session is part of what is stopping you, I hope this shrinks the fear of the unknown, at least a little. The hardest part is almost always deciding to book, not the session. Once people are actually in it, most are surprised by how ordinary and how comfortable it feels.
If you would rather get a sense of whether we are a fit before committing to a full session, that is exactly what a short consultation is for. You can see what I am like and how we interact without commitment to future sessions.